First Sentences that Suck

Recently, I've been struggling to put down a first sentence. And I realized that this had something to do with the fact that none of them were any good. I'd write something like, "Morning light broke through the blinds and bathed the floor in stripes." And then I'd say to myself, "Well what the fuck am I even talking about?"

It bothered me to the point that I grabbed my Hemingway section from my library and looked at the first sentence of each book. My findings lead me to an exercise and a method for writing good first sentences that story can grow from organically and help alleviate "writer's block."

The New Record Chapter 2 Part 1

Bill and Modern Psychiatric Parenting. The story continues.

The New Record: Chapter 1 Part 3

The conclusion of the first chapter of The New Record!

McRib

"Nature's first green is gold," read the general manager, Cameron Sondren, of the Ventura Avenue McDonald's on Wednesday morning. The early morning staff all had their heads bowed, hats removed. Sondren recited all of Frost's poem to the small, somber collection of employees, family, and close friends. 

"We knew it would happen. And we knew when, but," Susan Derigrass, a close friend said, pausing for a moment to collect herself. "It just never seems real until it happens." She excused herself.

As of midnight the night before, the orders from corporate were clear: McRib season was over.

Sondren finished the poem and a moment of silence befell the room. "We mourn our loss, but only because what we'd had was so great," Sondren reminded the staff and others gathered for the memorial. "We must carry on. Steve, take down the posters. Anna, fire up the friers."

As Steve took down the window-sized posters, a hush fell over the crowd gathered outside the restaurant. Some wept openly. Others laid bouquets of flowers on the sidewalk.   "I told myself, I'd get one tomorrow," said one witness. "I'd had one maybe a week ago and it was good. Nothing amazing, but it was there and ready so why not?" 

It seems as though there is an understanding between the employees and management at Ventura. "This isn't Cameron's fault. It's no one's fault. It's just a thing that had to happen," said Anna as the friers began to boil. Then she shot a glance towards her co-workers. "I don't really get what the big deal is. It's just a sandwich. It will be back next year."

Outside, the reaction wasn't as calm. "What do we do now?" Our anonymous witness cried out towards the sky. "What are you trying to tell us? What have we done wrong?"

Though the flags fly at full mast, in the hearts and minds of many a great piece of the year has escaped them. A moment in time never to be recaptured for another 10 months. Nothing gold can stay. 

The New Record Ch. 1 Part 2

Ongoing series of Bill and Gazoo and Howard and so on and so forth!

Writing Warmup 2/25/13

Writing Warm-up from 2/25/13 after the jump.

The New Record Chapter 1 Part 1

This is the first segment of a novel I began writing over a year ago called The New Record. It's a science fiction tale about aliens, space travel, and the end of the Earth. Think Cat's Cradle crossed with Breakfast of Champions. Anyway, I told myself I wouldn't drink until I finished writing a novel. Well, I got about a hundred pages into it before, well, whatever. Anyway, I'm at a point again where I'm trying to accomplish things and after having reread these pages, I think they're not altogether terrible and I may want to finish this damn thing. Here's a blurb to entice you. Full text of chapter 1 part 1 after the jump.

From Ch. 1 Part 2:

Bill drank beer because it was a depressant and relaxed him. It calmed him down and after the second one, he felt a warm and numbing sensation move up the back of his spine and into the base of his skull, and it was good. Beer is a mix of water, grains, and tiny little specks of life called yeast. These little specks of life, like all life, have to eat. So they eat the grains and drink the water and they fart out this thing called alcohol. The wonderful thing about these little yeasty beasties is that their farts can really mess a person up. They can make a person act funny, speak funny, and if a person drinks down too much alcohol, they can even die.

Drinking yeast farts was a great past time in Bill’s country. Though there was a time when drinking yeast farts was illegal and people who made them were arrested and put in jail. This was mostly brought about by ugly women that were tired of being told by drunks how ugly they were. That’s not on the record, it’s just something I noticed at the time. I was still new to this job then, but I saw it all the same. When everyone else in the country realized how mean the ugly women had been, they used democracy to change the law and then they all had a drink, and it was good.